Baby Steps

When the storms hit where do you run for cover? No matter what type of storm hits your life, everyone takes refuge in something, somewhere or someone. Some people try to ignore the storm by barring themselves deeper into that something, somewhere or someone. Sometimes it helps as the brunt of the storm passes by; sometimes it makes the storm bigger. Either way isn’t helpful and becomes more harmful.The stages of grief people tend to think only apply to death of a person/pet. Grief happens with the loss of anything, a person to death yes but also a relationship of a friend, family or lover. The loss of a job, or even the loss of a goal or way of life that was for so long normal that is now forcibly changed, or even a thought that is no longer truth.Grief is our ugly friend living under the closet stairs we all know is there, but never speak of. We cant ignore every time we walk up or down those stairs of life, knowing that our friend is there just waiting to be let out. For what ever the reason may be that we are keeping them their, they are behind a locked door with us holding the key. Guilt will quickly overwhelm that key holder. The lies that guilt tell hold our friend hostage even longer, then with every step of those stairs our feet begin to feel heavier and heavier the longer we leave our friend unattended.Once we actually let our ugly friend grief out from under our stairs , it is then that true healing can being. Each stage in life weather physical transformation or emotional transformation takes time, baby steps.God knew life wouldn’t be easy. There are many good bible verses that speak of hope and not giving up. Letting our friend grief do its job is a way of hope working to better our relationship with God and others.

Truth Be Told

Where do I begin…

It has been a very long time since my last post. My truth laid out in black and white is my heart went to a dark, dark place. Honestly it’s still there, but I see in a far off distance a ray of sunlight breaking through the thick dark clouds. A ray of hope to remind me this darkness wont last forever.

I do not know how long the darkness lasts; maybe it wont be bright again until I see the face of everlasting light in person, in the place I was created for.

My husband’s health is what sparked this blog writting in me a few years past. His health has been a rollercoaster journey for sure. To many scares to count of being told he has a fatal diagnosis. None yet of which have taken him. There has been healing in some areas, miracle healing in others, and some are just tailing along behind him. Still he pushes on stronger than ever. Still desperate to do his part and provide for his family. I am thankful God helps him daily to be strong enough to push through pain and who knows what to carry our family.

Almost 1 year ago I experienced something beyond what words could describe. An emotional hurt that opened my eyes to reveal the evil ones under laying twisting moral dispare. A revealing into his cunning sneaking lair. A harsh reminder of this worlds spiritual warfare.

This experience re-allined my off focused reality. I still spiralled into the stages of grief. I am still in those stages of grief. I can honestly say though that the fresh few weeks of it was held ever so tightly by my true saviour. I did not think I could even fathom being where i am today. Let alone the next day. The belly aching, soul sobbing, ran out of tears screaming from the inside incapable of outside emotion pain that all you could do was lay in bed staring off at nothing totally consumed by it in every inch of your being. Was held by my saviours arms, and I truly felt it.

I do know the meaning now of the peace/strength only God can give.

I am in a new journey of life and faith. I feel like a wobbly baby trying to find new footing learning to walk. My reality was stripped away leaving me a brand new slate to create the right reality God always intended. Just because God intended it to be this way, still does not make it easy. I mean babys fall countless times learning so eagerly to run! Yes I mean run! As any parent would agree.

Since my blogging took foot, I have also moved twice to two different states. That in its self is a blog to write about!

I am glad I have been able to find a place in my wounded heart to make a path to write again. I pray all who read my journey of faith and life will be pointed to my best friend, my healer, my life giver, our saviour Jesus.

You all know how much music means to me, here are two songs over the last year that had great meaning for me.


I have been reading quite a bit of different short Bible devotions on my Bible app on my phone lately. I have tried to read them the moment I wake, usually before my feet even hit the floor. I am desperately needing my thoughts to be on Jesus every minute of the day. My mind is in such a fragile state right now with much devastation overwhelming my life.

You would think one who has lived a pretty hard, rough life would eventually get used to being in a state of devastation. I can tell you as I write this, a big fat NOPE. Stacking troubles ontop of troubles doesn’t get easier. It does how ever build that tower closer to heaven but still gets you no where but a higher mountain to climb to put that next trouble ontop of the heeping pile.

I feel as though one wrong thought will cause the house of cards to fall, crushing me underneath. I am trying to lean even closer to the only thing that is worth my thoughts, Jesus.

Being on a self seeking journey is not the road I wanted to travel. Rescent events have caused my car to make an extremely sharp right turn onto this road. I find comfort knowing that God is in the car with me and I am slowly giving up the driver’s seat. Tired and weary of the places I have driven myself too, desperately needing a new heading in life I have turned my thoughts my heart to the only one who loves me for me! All of me!

If you are facing a road that looks really dangerous to travel but know that’s where your headed, take the GPS maker with you, God. Gods Plan Saves! My road is pretty rough but I know at the end, if I put my trust and Hope in God I will make it out better than when I started.

My word for 2019 is Hope! So many things in my life need me to be filled with Hope right now to even start driving down this scary road!

My verse is Hebrews 10:23 Let us hold unswervingly to the Hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.

Come to me…

This life here on Earth is but only a blink of an eye compared to eternity; yet it seems like it takes an eternity! Many times I have read in the Bible verses of being tired and weary, to which Jesus offers rest.

If this life was ment to be easy, God would not have sent his son to experience its greatness to the point of his suffering and death.

The holiday seasons remind me even more so of the hustle and bustle of being busy. Parties galore, shopping, family gatherings, the actual holiday it self, on top of our normal life itself as well. Its a crazy cake topped with a chocolate cover busy strawberry. Too many of us including Christians get overwhelmed and consumed with peganistic holiday traditions. We forget to even give time to the very one who is the reason for all your chaos this season.

Even Jesus took time away for him self to be alone with God, to recharge!

Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

As Christmas is over and a new year is coming, let us take more time to spend time with our creator. Pencil in this crucial appointment if need be. Gods rest, his peace, his turn to carry our burdens!

Whiter Than Snow

As we have our first snow fall of the season, I am reflecting on how the Bible tells us that Jesus has washed away our sins. Our sins are as scarlet, yet He washed them away to whiter than snow.

Is there such a thing, whiter than white? Snow is beautiful, unique and pure. God put unique details into every individual snow flake, that are only seen under a microscope. Yet He washes our sins away to whiter than snow, making us pure and unique in the image of our maker!

Psalm 51:7 ESV

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow

Isaiah 1:18 ESV

“Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool

The discovery of the intricate designs of each snow flake was made by Wilson Bentley in 1885. (

“Under the microscope, I found that snowflakes were miracles of beauty; and it seemed a shame that this beauty should not be seen and appreciated by others. Every crystal was a masterpiece of design and no one design was ever repeated., When a snowflake melted, that design was forever lost. Just that much beauty was gone, without leaving any record behind.”

Snow Crystal Image Link to snowflakes page

Wilson “Snowflake” Bentley 1925
As Mr. Bentley stated, when this beautiful design melts away it is gone forever… just like us gone forever without Jesus!

I find it a bit crazy that this discovery was made in the town of “Jericho” Vermont…

There is so much beauty created in this world that points to our maker. Snow was around for a long time before its uniqueness was truly discovered. God tells Job of his store houses of snow. Only God at the time enjoyed that beauty, yet how much more does he enjoy us than a tiny ice crystal here one minute and melted the next. I am sure there is sooo much of this earth’s beauty we have yet to discover.

I know some people do not like the snow, but as every season of our lives, it is necessary. Not all seasons of life are pleasant. As in the beauty of snow unseen, there is beauty in those what seem unpleasant seasons; if only we look just a bit harder we will see the beauty hidden deep inside.

I challenge you who read this that if this particular season is hard, to look deeper daily to find something beautiful beneath the dreary cold surface. Find warmth in the joy knowing that seasons do not last forever.

Count Your Blessings

I realize it has been quite a long time since I wrote a blog. My life has become much more normalized lately. During our less normalized months I was not in a great mindset to try and work on my blogging. I was trying my hardest to just stay sane and keep my kids happy and healthy.

As Thanksgiving approaches I am able to look back and see over the months how blessed we still were. In the moments, I didn’t see it always as a blessing though.

I have noticed many people on my social media sights doing a November thankful challenge, I do not participate in those. The reason I do not participate in those challenges is for 2 simple reasons. First reason being this shouldn’t be a challenge…. if it is you have way more problems than you realize! Second is, this should be a 365 day a year habit! Can you imagine how much better a year, a life time would be if we focused on the positives/thankfulness of things daily?

So my challenge to you is to create a daily habit of at least 5 things to be thankful for DAILY. Then next November you can post on social media how much better your mental health has been for the year!

Happiness or Joy?


My life group has started a study on the book of  Philippians.  Philippians is the JOY 101 book! My life lately along with so many other Christians, have been less than ideal in many ways. I see the world declining into the end times right before my eyes as it jumps off the pages of the Bible.  It is very hard for someone like me to witness such evils in the world when I am full of a love and compassion that comes from a well of never ending quenching waters of Jesus.  I cannot comprehend how some of the people (groups) think these days.  Studying this book has come at the perfect moment in time for so many people.

When we hear the word Joy we think of happiness, right? Is joy just happiness? The Webster definition of the two words are this:

Happiness: The State of being happy

Joy: A feeling of great pleasure and happiness

Interesting how they are still very similar in definition. The worlds idea of happiness is always based on a “feeling” feelings come and go with circumstances. The Biblical explanation of Joy is not based on feelings or circumstances. It comes from Jesus who can sustain us in any and All circumstances with the ability to give us pure Joy no matter or circumstances! Just as Paul demonstrates in his letter to the Philippians as he expresses himself with pure Joy that he is not worried one bit about sitting in jail for the glory of the kingdom of God! He is able to be content in all acts of life… in all circumstances!

To me Paul seems to be a bit “super” human, who can be praising God while in prison? SO many times my first reaction to trials are not a joyful praise by all means, usually a shaken fist in the air screaming WHY! Over the years of my faith maturing I have been able to lower that fist, lower my tone of voice and simply state, “ok God, now what” still not at the joyous state that Paul is in. Our faith journey is exactly that, a journey, to learn to grow, mature… then eventually hear the words ” well done thy good and faithful servant!”

One thing that I have come to understand about being a Christ follower and reading my life manual AKA the Bible, is that this road is a long narrow rough, tortuous at times, in a direction to the most splendrous reward waiting at the end. I most likely will be crawling with every ounce of my being at that last final stretch. Endurance is the key, keeping the faith, keeping my eyes pointed forward, eye on the prize! The most amazing thing about this race is who is running along side of us, Jesus is there every step of the way ready and whiling to lend a helping hand! Ready to give that peace and joy to sustain our faith as Paul demonstrates so well in Philippians. I encourage you to read this book, put your self in his shoes while he is writing to his dear friends! Chose to daily put on that armor, chose to except the Joy of the Lord daily! Train your thoughts to be ready for when tough times come! I don’t want to be drove by my “feelings” on things that come and go. I want to pure lasting Joy that only comes from the Lord!

Philippians 4 :8,9 (NLT) says this, And now dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you!

Matthew 18:3 (ESV) says this, “Truly I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Like Children? yes have you ever just sat at a park and watched and listen to the children  laughing and playing, having a grand ol’ time? Children are so innocent and pure, usually full of joyous laughter. Life is full, and a bit naive when we are children.  This is how our Lord wants us to be! Joyous in it all, not sourpuss old farts! The hearts of children are loving and kind until the the sin in this world slowly positions them as it does us all. WE cannot let this happen. It is up to us to chose life, to chose Jesus, to SHOW Jesus light to this darkened lost world.